The Demons In My Head

You need to get on Facebook and do something with your games.

No! Not games. I am not playing anymore games on Facebook.

It will just take five minutes.

No. Absolutely not. If I start playing games I will be here two hours from now.

But…

Shut up mind!

And so it begins.  Those nagging voices trying to get me away from doing what I should be doing, what I really want to do. I don’t want to play games. It is an addiction. It’s a form of procrastination. If I play games, I won’t risk failing at what I should be doing.

Why does writing scare me so much? What is it about the blank page that brings out my fear?

The writing demons are strong this month. They try to pull me away from writing in whatever way they can. They will use any excuse I can give them and make it out to be more important than it is.

Your head hurts.

But my head only hurts a little. A couple of headache pills and I should be fine. I tell my demons to shut up.

You need to study your Romanian.

I listen to my Romanian lesson just before bed, and the demons know that. This month, they want me to study every time I decide to write. I tell them “no”, but they won’t shut up.

You need to practice your violin. You can’t write about it if you don’t practice.

That part is true, but I don’t need to practice all the time. If I practiced all the time I would never have time for anything else, like writing about it. I tell the demons to shut up again.

It doesn’t matter. It won’t be very good anyway.

This one is my favorite. I get it every single time I try to write, do research, or put my ideas for a story down on paper. Okay, it’s not really paper anymore. It’s a computer. But you get the idea. I’m not good enough to write so I might as well give up.

All the time I am fighting with my demons over whether or not I am going to write, I’m not actually writing. Yet, I fight with the demons before I put down that first word. They will stop me several times when I am writing to remind me of the futility of what I am doing.

Nano brings the demons out even more. It is like they take it as a challenge to stop me from succeeding. I have to remind myself that, no matter what the demons say, I can do it. Then, I have to write. It might not be good. It might not make sense. But it is written. I am succeeding one word at a time.

Those are my demons. Every writer has his or her own. It comes with the territory.

Now, I have to do one more thing to beat the demons tonight. I have to post this. Take that, demons!

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