Writing When You Don’t Want To

Some days, I just can’t seem to pull it together. Sure, the end is in sight but, somehow, that makes it worse. I wonder if I am really going to finish on time, or if I will fail this time.

Today has been one of those days. I have written nothing more than a bunch of drivel. Even the drivel I have written hasn’t come easy. Why did I ever tell myself I could do this?

The first November I tried, I was terrified I wouldn’t make it. The second November I was supposed to do it, I got sick and couldn’t. The third year, my mind kept telling me I had done it once, but I would never do it again. I bought a NaNo tee shirt and told myself I had to finish to keep it, or it would go into the area raffle. I managed to keep my tee shirt.

I didn’t manage the first camp I tried, but we still had to write 50,000 words then. This time, my goal is 10,000. That should be a piece of cake, right?

The 16th was the first day I wrote anything, then I didn’t write anything else until the 23rd. Between those two days, I managed to get 1,003 words on the screen. If I wanted to finish, I needed to get started.

The next day, I wrote over 2,500, so I was back in the game. I have now written over 6,000 words. I need less than 1,000 words per day to finish on time.

That doesn’t stop the doubts from popping up. How many times will I have to finish before I believe I can? Will I ever believe?

Writing months are full of ups and downs. Today was a down day. Tomorrow may be an up day. One thing I do know, At the end of the month I will have written more words in my lifetime than I had at the beginning of the month. That is something to be proud of.

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